22 Years and Counting

Alexis Ventre

Alexis Ventre never expected to follow in her mother’s and sister’s footsteps, joining a group no one wants to belong to: young widows. At just 49, Alexis lost Andy, her beloved husband of 27 years and devoted father to their two sons, to pancreatic cancer.

Leading up to his diagnosis in November 2002, Andy didn’t notice any symptoms indicating he was sick. In September 2002, Andy and their older son Matt enjoyed a three-week, cross-country road trip to celebrate Matt’s college graduation. They traveled from California to Virginia, where they stopped to visit Matt’s younger brother Adam, then a first-year student at the University of Virginia. In October, Andy had a routine annual physical, and everything, including his bloodwork, was normal. He and Alexis even took a vacation that month to celebrate the 30^th anniversary of their first date as college sweethearts. Then, in November, Andy’s back was bothering him, which he attributed to his massage therapist stretching him differently to loosen up tight muscles. Following Thanksgiving dinner, he had an upset stomach that persisted for a few days, so his doctor prescribed antacids and a bland diet, but the pain continued and he underwent further evaluation. At the time, he was just 51, very active, and otherwise healthy—even in the same physical shape as when he got married—and had no history of pancreatic cancer in his family.

Test results showed a cancerous growth on his pancreas, and a liver biopsy revealed his pancreatic cancer had already metastasized to his liver, making surgery impossible. Andy developed jaundice and endured an emergency procedure to insert a stent in his blocked bile duct. Andy and Alexis were completely blindsided by his diagnosis and overwhelmed by the long road ahead of them, but Andy’s optimism and determination to beat this disease never wavered, and their family, friends, and Westchester, NY community rallied behind them. “We received so much kindness, from our doctors, nurses, pharmacist, and medical staff, and this incredible support was worth its weight in gold,” she remembers.

When Andy was diagnosed in 2002, the only treatment available was chemotherapy. Andy underwent six rounds but had to pause after experiencing significant side effects including a burning sensation inside his veins. By the end of January 2003, he felt very ill, had two liters of fluid removed from his abdomen, and was repeatedly admitted to the hospital for other complications. On February 12, 2003, Alexis remembers Andy’s oncologist sharing the worst possible news while she, Andy, and Andy’s mom were gathered in his hospital room, listening to the call on speaker phone; the chemotherapy wasn’t working, and there was nothing more they could do for Andy. He passed away on February 20, 2003, just four days before his 52^nd birthday and only three months after his diagnosis, leaving a heartbreaking void in the lives of his loved ones.

Following Andy’s passing, Alexis coped by keeping busy. She attended therapy and leaned into her Catholic faith. Journaling was especially cathartic and provided her an outlet to scream and cry into her writing. She inherited and took over Andy’s business, which had been in his family for the past three generations and where she had worked since 1992. She was also focused on consoling and supporting her sons as they grieved the loss of their father. But more than anything, helping others battling pancreatic cancer gave her a specific mission and a way to honor Andy’s life and find purpose in how he died. Through a family connection, Alexis was introduced to the Lustgarten Foundation, and in 2004, she created Team Andy—since renamed teAMW (Team Andrew M. Weiss)—at the Lustgarten Walk for Pancreatic Cancer Research in Long Island. This year marks their 22^nd year participating in the Walk program, and to date, they have raised a staggering $200,000 for the Foundation’s research efforts.

After the Walk, Alexis serves lunch so teAMW can spend more time together and reminisce about Andy, affectionately referred to as Poppa by his four grandchildren who are getting to know him through the stories his family shares. “I miss the father of my children being with me at our children’s big life events, like Adam’s college graduation, Matt’s and Adam’s weddings, and the birth of our four beautiful grandchildren. It’s such a shame that he has missed out on so much because of pancreatic cancer,” Alexis shared. “I hope for an early detection blood test so nobody has to sit in a doctor’s office like we did and hear ‘You have pancreatic cancer’ and fear that it’s not survivable. If I can help even one person, that’s something I absolutely need to do.”

Alexis suggests others impacted by pancreatic cancer should feel comfortable asking for Walk donations once they’ve established a Walk team. “I recommend starting small with fundraising, and I typically remind people twice—and family more often—because they truly want to support pancreatic cancer research in honor of Andy,” Alexis shared. “I’ve tried to make my horrible loss more of a positive than a negative and look toward the future.”

Alexis’ involvement in Lustgarten’s Walk program extends beyond the Long Island Walk. Since Alexis’ son Matt lives in Seattle with his family, they have also participated in a Seattle Walk with Andy’s mom and Alexis’ husband Lou, who has been a dedicated, enthusiastic supporter of Alexis and her efforts to fundraise for Lustgarten since they met in 2009. Lou was warmly welcomed into the family when he and Alexis married in 2010, and he has attended the Walk for the past 16 years, helping Alexis with all of the planning and fundraising for teAMW.

Since the pandemic, they now attend the Westchester Walk near their home as well. “I got so emotional seeing the survivor hats at the Westchester Walk this year, because in 2004, when we started walking, there were no survivors,” Alexis remembers. “This is why we walk: to turn our grief into action, to give hope to others facing this devastating disease, and to be thankful that the community of survivors continues to grow. I’m thrilled with how far pancreatic cancer research and research-sharing among scientists have come since Andy’s diagnosis, and I can’t wait to see even more progress in the future, thanks to the remarkable work of the Lustgarten Foundation.”